I sit here going through all the things i have to say to end this sham of a relationship, but i know in reality a smile from this woman and she is ok with me.  I know that i could never go through with it cause i want this woman too much, even at the cost of my happiness.  I am on an emotional roller coaster   I just want to be happy, it has never been a difficult state for me to attain. when you are with someone whose desire is to make another happy.  I don't understand how someone who knows they are doing wrong could talk ill about someone about someone they love. could upon confrontation that hey ills have been found would offer a comprise where we are equally punished.